PUTIN’S Letter to Santa Claus Secretly Released

Dear Santa,

I knows yous don’ts likes mes much, buts i is needing yous to answers mys Letter withs lots of Presents. I promises to gives ups vodkas ands sexs withs underaged boys youngers than Six Mimuses Tens ifs yous dos this fours mes. Heres mys lists-

  1. Gives mes someones tos nukes. I is in great need of someones to nuke. I-s shivers likes a icy river with chilly thrills just thinkings bout nuking someones. I-s falls to mys knees every nights prayings I’ll gets mes someones to nuke. I-s demands that yous provides mes with someone to nukes. This woulds be my greatest presents. And someones who won’t nukes mes back. Yous potbellied fool in a clown suit, yous betters gives mes whats I needs or I’ll cut your sausages off. And cuts yo fat bellies offs too. And yo nipples. And yous lips ands ears too. And I’ll haves mys whores pees on yous toos and films it. And shows every damns crumbs snatchers whats yous really looks like alls sausages-less ands no bellies, or nipples neither.

Whats da fuk was dat? Did I-s justs hears yous shat a big shyster on mys Letter already. Well, yous dum oversized waterbuffalo. I-s is gonna now let yous knows I-s gonnas nukes yous first. I-s gonna nukes da entire Norths Poles. I-s gonnas sends yous and all yous midget farts and crumb snatchers presents to kingdom cums. I-s gonnas cooks me some reindeers. Whats yous thinks bouts dat? Fat Monkey Belly Oversized Rhinodionosaurauses?

Nevers ins mys lifes haves I-s evers gots a single presents froms yous Santa Claus. Evers since mys dads taughts me tos masturbates, he tolds mes yous wasn’t reals. But when he said that a second times ands I-s sees all dems others kids getting presents and theys tells mes it’s was Santa Claus, I justs ups ands hads to kills him with mys knittings needles ins da corners of his eyes and twos ins his toes toos. I-s really wants tos cut offs his heads so I-s coulds sees if’n he’d flop around likes a chicken with its heads cuts offs. Yous, Santa Claus betters gives me da Fuk whats I-s wants ors I-s mights picks any countries to nukes by playing Russian Roulette. Ands whens I-s gets to da 7th bullet, I’m gonna use it on yous… Ors mys baby pet skunks. Ors I-s mights nukes one countries per bullets or have six pizzas or writes anothers Awards winnings speech to be Broadcast every 15 minutes on all Russian TV Channels. Or wets mys pants agains. Or go into my corners and have mes another timeouts wheres I-s cries a lots.