FUNERAL TIME! Time to Swallow Your Emotions!
Yes, Sir! Yes, Ma’am! Funeral Time is Time to Swallow Your Emotions! And I want you to put your Big Boy & Big Girls Pants on now. And these words I say to you now might be the best words your ever got on Death and Dying. And now, Funerals! Might even be yours. And no, I’m sorry that you or a friend, a loved one, or yourself have finally come full circle and need the Services of a Funeral Parlor. You know. Where Dead PEOPLE go to make funeral arrangements for other Dead People, including yourself. But if you’re in need to dump out the dirty laundry, then I want you to know that when you walk into a Funeral Parlor, you have just entered Robber’s Heaven.
Yes, as you walk thru the Doors, you bring with you the Sweetened Smell of MONEY!$$$! And you ain’t got no idea How Screwed You Are Going To Feel Afterwards! But Hark, forget hearing the Songs being Sung By Angels, you have just entered Millionaires Row! But swallow your emotions before you go. Why? In a weakened emotional State of Mind, You and your pockebook are just about to be Departed on Their Preferred Payment Plan!
Yes, Funeral Parlors are there to MAKE MONEY! And the more Money that they Screw You out of, the More they are going to Smile and run a ton of Kiss Your Ass Sayings right up your Butt and into your face, and especially your Ears that you never ever heard before in your entire Life.
And every time you should be showing the least glimmer of emotion from Tears to weak, shaky knees. Or any other emotional Give-Off you or your body is radiating, cause it will be More they KNOW that they GOT YOUR POCKETBOOK HOOKED! And, a fool and his monies are soon departed.
Okay, have I now got your Full, Complete Attention? Splash some water on your face. Now, let’s look at the Funeral without a single ounce of EMOTIONS! None! Planning Your Own Funeral needs to be done before you are DEAD! Absolutely! But you are weak, you are carrying your Emotions on your Shoulders if you wait until someone Dies and His or Her Funeral are in your Hands. On your nickels! And sure, the sudden unexpected Death can come at any time and you are blindsided. No. You never saw it coming.
Okay, no matter who or how the Death took place or will take place, you’re in it now. And I want you to KNOW! All Funeral Parlors Smell, REAP, of the smell of DEATH! And that’s what I’ll never forget the Most. That Smell! That certain ODOR that exists in all Funeral Parlors. Yes, it is there. And that Odd smell won’t ever leave your mind or your nostrils. It’s there for the rest of your life. But forget about it for now. Now. You are the one who has to make all the Funeral Arrangements.
But don’t worry about it. I’m here right now to give you some Big Insights. So, I’m sorry that Death has visited YOU. Death will visit all of us. But when you walk into a Funeral Parlor, you must go with a Proud, Defiant Manner with I’m Not Going To Allow Them To Screw Me Over! And I don’t care How Sincere they make it feel to you! You have just walked into Their World! And their World is shockingly Super Secretive cause No One Talks About it. But be Damned sure correct knowing a whole ton of folks feel everyday like they done got bent over a rail after their Dealings at a Funeral Parlor. They feel Raped! Figuratively!
And Funeral Parlors are in Competition with each other! Shop Around for the Best Prices! Do it. ABSOLUTELY!
But I do not wish that sort of ugliness of over Costing to be placed upon you and your pocketbook. So. Let’s go and I’m with you right now. This is the way it will go down.
- You walk in the Funeral Home or They Come to your Home.
- You sit down with them and you must remove ANY LEVEL of EMOTION!
- Get ready for it. Get ready for it. And BAM! They hand you a Menu! or They read down a Long Their List of All Of Their Funeral Parlor Services and/or Products. And they will ask you a ton of questions. REMEMBER-the Deceased is DEAD and they are GONE and they do not give a Damn about what you do to them. They and their Dead body HAVE now parted company. Why did I say that? Because they will constantly be asking you what do you think the Dead and Departed would like or want? It’s a trick they use. To Get you to buy as if you are in direct Contact with the Dead. Well, you ain’t. Now. You must Live! Purchase what you can afford!
And what’s all that stuff going to look like? Remember, the biggest Questions now are tow-fold-
- Where to put the Body of the Dead?
- Certified Copies of the Death Certificate! Yes, indeed. You’re gonna need to End or Close all of those Financial Dealings the Dead Person had going on while living. This includes proving to a Life Insurance Company that the Deceased is actually DEAD so they will release the Funds on any Life Insurance Policies. And it’s going to you if you are suppose to get them. But A WILL says it all. And many won’t have a WILL.
The Dead Body? What to do with it? Put it in the Ground or turn it into Ashes? Sure, Cremation is a Cheaper Option on your pocketbook. Or Donate the Body to Science thru a Medical College or Veteran Grave Yard or which Graveyard?
If you are going for burying the Body in the Ground, you are going to need two or three or things-
- Embalming the Body?
- A Coffin?
- A Outer Box that the Coffin goes into?
- A Graveyard Plot.
The Outer Box is a Vault Box that protects the Ground Water Table from Dead Body Contamination. Some places require these while others do not.
Okay. Lower the Cost of the Coffin can be bought all over the Place at about 1/2 the Cost the Funeral Parlor is going to charge you if you buy a coffin from them.
And there are still above Found Vaults too.
And don’t forget Pall Bearers. The folks that move the Coffin at the Funeral.
Now, you will want a Last Get Together for friends and Family to say Goodbye. Most people Today are Opting for an At the Grave Last Rites Service.
Otherwise, where are you going to do that? At the Funeral Parlor? And if you do. That will cost a Fee! Mourners can be purchased too so a bad person will look like they had Folks who cared too. And a singer? They got one who will sing for $$$.
Preachers expect payment for doing a Funeral Too. A service at the Church, some Churches charge money too, and one at the Gravesite is Twice the Cost. They might not ask, but it is generally expected unless they said that they want none.
Funeral Notices and “Thank YOU” Cards are available too at a Cost.
Flowers too! $$$$!
But there is no question that cannot be Answered but you got to ASK! That’s why I say repeatedly-Leave your Emotions at Home! If need be, ask a Friend to be with you and tell them to make sure that your Best Interests are Protected!
Caskets/Coffins can be purchased from funeral homes, casket/coffin showrooms, and online retailers. Caskets/Coffins tend to be very expensive, and can range in price from $700-$20,000.
And they’ll even have a beautician who can fix up the Dead Body for Open Coffin Viewing. And they got a whole line of clothes to sell you for the Dead Body. Shoes too.
Whatever you might think of like a Haircut, the Funeral Parlor has someone who will fix that hair too. A Shave? Yes, a shave too.
However nice you want the Dead Body to look. They got someone who will do that too. All for a Price!
No, I don’t have a thing against Funeral Parlors. But. I have seen people get beat badly on their pocketbook by them. But lots of us don’t have a ton of money to spend. And most cannot afford a new unexpected monthly cost of $400-$1200 a month to pay for a Funeral.
Especially during this Pandemic! A Cheap monthly Life Insurance Policy can be bought on TV. My wife and I have one thru Gerber. And the longer you wait to get on one. The more the monthly Fee will be. Young person pays little, older person will pay a lot more. a bigger monthly fee.
Funeral Burial Plot ain’t CHEAP! And no, this is NOT a Funeral Home Cost. It’s a separate COST! And some places COST $4000-$10,000 or more.
If you are a Veteran, there are Veteran Graveyards that accept the Dead Veteran at No Costs!
But the Funeral Parlor will charge you to transport the Dead Body to the Veteran Graveyard or any graveyard or Crematorium.
And all you have to do is Call the Veteran Graveyard Services and they’ll tell you what you need to give them. But a DD-214 or other accepted Proof of Service is Required. And they only allow a small number of people at the Funeral. But they are there to help you. So, call and pre-plan if you are a Veteran.
So, I hope this write will hopefully make you aware of the possible Victimization that can take place if your State of Mind is not in a good place when you make Funeral Arrangements for someone or yourself. DO NOT BE AFRAID! You are in the Driver’s Seat and Not Them. Keep the Cost to
what you can afford!. Exactly what you can afford!
2019 NFDA Average Funeral Costs