OMG! My kid’s in Jail? You’re Ticked, but better take Action before they get Pricked!

Your kid has been Arrested…and you think everything is going to be simply rosy.  But HELL No to that!  Might’ve been doing the Protest Thing.  Or they were the one on the end of the Spray Paint Can?  Lol

Get Ready to get Screwed, Blued, Tattooed, and Your Bank Account RAPED!  And you’re going to feel like you just got Raped too by the time it’s all over.  Yes, you will feel fresh fuked and no “Thank You” is coming…but 2st, I mean 2st, I mean 1st Problem is how to get your baby out of JAIL? 

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But 1st, don’t even think you can suddenly read a Law Book…forget about it.  Folks, I’ve been right where you are and I’m goon feed yo brain. I mean spoon feed.  Dang, I hate AUTOCORRECT!  Who the hell wrote that Program? 

But, 1st, you want your kid OUT OF JAIL!  RIGHT?  You know you do.  You don’t want to see your kid getting a water enema by a Jailhouse Enema Specialist, do you?  Heck YAH!

OKAY, if it’s not a way out there Charge against your child, then MAKE THE BAIL! 

And no, you don’t go to the Jail and pay.  No, you shop for a Jail Bondsman and it’s usually 10%.  So, you’re gonna hand over $1000 on a $10,000 Bail Bond to the Bondsman and he’ll go pay to get your kid out.  And then, you will be TOLD or you can go with Bondsman to get your kid.  But if possible-GET YOUR KID OUT OF JAIL!  1st and foremost, GET YOUR KID OUT OF JAIL. But by paying Bondsman your 10%, you are?

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You are promising that your kid will appear in Court before a Judge.  And NOT SKIP TOWN OR RUNAWAY or you will be obligated to pay the Full $10,000 dollars.   But before the 1st Rule and when you get the Call your Kid is in Jail, DONT FREAK OUT! 

Print this Blog Post Out NOE and if you ever need it, just pull it out, sit down and RE-READ it!  I’ve been right where you are right now!  I know, I know, I know.  But forget about stuff and FOCUS YOUR MIND.  You need to get sharp minded very quickly and it’s easy to get thru this-

RULE NUMBER ONE!!!! I cannot Overemphasize this!  Teach them, your kid or kids ONLY DO THIS-ONLY SAY THIS!  And I’m no Lawyer, but I’ve been before the Judge Four Times and yep, the Jury thing too. So-

1.  Give your Name.

2.  Give your Address.

3.  Ask for a Lawyer!!!

Ask for sure, for food and water and any medication your kid needs.  But TEACH THEM TO KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT WHILE IN JAIL! 


When you get that phone Call from them while they are in Jail, please, for heaven’s sake remind them of this and the above. Call the Jail and get that Call.


And they could be completely INNOCENT!  Actually INNOCENT!  And everyone from the Arresting Officer, the Bondsman, the Jailers, even the frigging Jail Nurse. And the Judge all think ONE THING!  They all think she or he is GUILTY AS CHARGED!  Even the Jurors on the Jury will believe your kid is GUILTY. 

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Trust This-In a Courtroom, There are No Friends!  The Courtroom is Not Your Friend. Even friends, you thought were, will spill a completely different spin on your kid.  Even Relatives will say stuff not comprehending what they say can vastly extend or shorten a sentence in Prison or on Probation.  Not one person is your friend.  Friends that Got Your Back?  Lol…not hardly.  And they have no clue how bad they can screw it up for your kid. 

Too many know it all’s and too many believing in a fantastic Judicial System will walk out of a Courtroom hanging their heads down in disbelief.

And sure,  hopefully you’ve gotten over the 1st Hurdle and gotten your kid out of Jail.  That’s the 1st Priority.  And no matter where your head is, don’t go into Verbal Beating your Kid Down!  And if this is something involving other kids, someone is gonna TELL IT!  Yes, they will and they’ll even work a Deal!  Even if they are completely Lying about your kid.  It’s easy to pass the Buck.  But you don’t want that Buck to get STUCK on your kid.

Step Two-  Finding A Lawyer!  A pretty impressive Advertisement doesn’t Find The Best Lawyers!  No. Here, you got to do some real Research.  And listen to me now, please!  I’ve hired 4 Lawyers.  Three were good and the MOST EXPENSIVE was absolutely a Piece of Shyster.  And I FIRED! the Guy.  But Lord, a poor Lawyer can do some messed-up damage for your kid’s case.  And I found the best one by asking my fellow Correctional Officers.  But a Bondsman might know, but they may not say.  Uncovering a good Lawyer will not be easy, especially if you need one in another City. And the worse Lawyer was recommended by a female Lawyer in our Town when I needed an Out-of-Town Lawyer. 

BUT WHOA!  if you got a good Lawyer and the Drive isn’t too far, you may find the Best Lawyer for your kid in your Town.  Yes, in your Town and that will help save on visits to the Lawyer’s Office.  But once you and your Kid’s Lawyer agree on Payment or Payment Plan, yes, Payment Plan, the Lawyer will mostly need to talk with your kid and mostly one on one.  But please remember this-The Lawyer you Hire IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!  He or She is Your Hired Help!  You have Hired a person that will Guide you and your kid through the Court System.  And you need to ask this-when you Agree to a Payment with the Lawyer, does it include a Jury Trial or does it merely pay to Plead Out a Probation Plan on your behalf with the Judge.

The less work your Lawyer does, the less money they are entitled to.  But if you have a question, ASK.  There are no dumb questions.

Step Three-You and Your Lawyer have decided upon a Trial.  Yes, you have decided to go into the MOST OUTLANDISH CRAZY WILD RODEO you ever thought possible.  And you won’t get to see it. 

But I have and I promise YOU, a good District Attorney with great Theatrical Skills, great verbal skills can even make a Jury believe that they can CONVICT ON NO ACTUAL EVIDENCE.  WITH NONE AT ALL!  With only Verbal or Visual Imagery!  With no prints, no blood proof, no other Concrete Evidence!  Only the Verbal words of the Arresting Officers.  Maybe even others.  But with NO PHYSICAL EVIDENCE!  And they CONVICT your kid and suddenly, your head is ready to EXPLODE!

How could this Happen?  Yes, how?

And I already did tell you-In the Courtroom, there are No Friends!  And now, I’m going to lay it all on you.  Yes, after years of having time to think about that Mysterious WHY?  I’ll now tell you how I see it.

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Our Court Systems ARE so Frigging Rigged that the Defendants ARE always found GUILTY!  

Yes, Sir.  I do honestly and sincerely believe it.  And most people go to Prison for one of Five Reasons-

1.  The Jury.

Jurors are already believers that they Are to Find a person Guilty, yes, that the Defendant is already GUILTY, and that is IT!  They are Stuck like Chuck on this one. And unless your Lawyer presents indisputable evidence, you ain’t got a chance.

2.  Too Stupid.

Defendant doesn’t realize anything and cannot make reasonable nor rational decisions on their own behalf.

3.  Too Slow.

Slow moving and slow thinking and even slow talking is counted against you.

4.  Too Poor.

Cannot hire a decent Lawyer and Court Appointed Lawyer is a LOSER.  Worst one possible in some cases.

5.  Defendant Cannot Verbalize a Defense.

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Plea Bargain Agreements? 

Good or Bad? 

From all the hundreds, maybe thousands of Offender Conversations I overheard While at work and told to my person, I found out this-

1.  First Deal Offer is Worst Deal.

2.  Last Deal Offer is usually Best Deal.

Hey, I heard too many times that by waiting it out the longest as a person can, that proved to get the shortest sentence and even Probation was put back on the Table in some cases  

But BEWARE! That’s not always the Case as I heard some say it went the other way.

Super Wicked Crimes or where Terrible Injuries or Death or Deaths take place, I cannot begin to speak to you with that.  But I’m a nobody and I don’t know nothing for sure. 

In such cases, I have only one thought.  Try to remove how terrible it may sound to you the 2st, the 1st Time you hear it, but it’s still going to be just as terrible sounding the Last Time you hear it.   

And once they leave the Nest, their Actions are their own, so don’t let them Guilt-Rid you, Guilt-Trip you.  Keep all help for your kid within your actual Monetary Means.  Of course, you still love them.  And they love you.  Make sure you explain that whatever you pay the Lawyer, your kid needs to pay you back if possible.

And of course, lots of good kids do make poor choices at times…i do sincerely hope the above will help YOU.  But get a Good Lawyer!  And make sure your kid does all assigned Community Service Hours to meet his or her Probation Requirements.  They aren’t playing around with your kid in no way now, now are they?